Since last few days I have been going through some challenging and tumultuous emotions due to certain reasons...facing one situation after the other as if another one is waiting patiently in a row, just waiting for the previous one to get handled by me.... thereby causing delays at every step of my journey in my endeavors. This all is happening while I am simultaneously also experiencing the worst that humans can become under the illusion of ego and greed. The built up of resultant frustration was overpowering and got the better of me! And as if this wasn't enough over the past few days, I was again hit with a huge emotional blow yesterday evening through serendipitous unveiling of a very heart-breaking truth about few known faces! Was so overwhelmed, it shut down the fuse of my brain circuits and I didn't know how to deal with those emotions that were so very stormy and confusing.
After a very long time since 2020, again I faced similar emotions - a sudden and enormous built up of molten lava of anger due to treachery, waiting to burst into a volcano ...and at the same time, I was also immediately being reminded of the virtues of The Great Lord Jesus who shed tears for the ones who crucified Him , I was reminded of other Great & Enlightened Ones like Lord Mahavira, who too shed tears out of compassion for the ones who hammered nails in His Ears & Lord Buddha who was compassionate to all those who wronged Him throughout His Life!
It was almost like one half of my heart was experiencing the very low frequency vibrations but the other half of my heart quickly stepped in and started consoling the first half with wisdom from the stories of the Great Enlightened Ones, nudging to choose the Higher Self vibrations and stop identifying with a phase experienced in the past! I also found that I, kind of, doubted myself for experiencing those low-frequency feelings and was being hard on myself by judging "ME", asking if it was appropriate to even entertain such low frequency feelings, despite being an Empath desirous of being a Healer! I was going berserk with these thoughts running amok in my head simultaneously!
However, as I am writing this now, I realized that there was a difference about this experience of feeling devastating emotions yesterday evening, experienced once again after 2020! The previous time, I mulled in the muck of such emotions for quite a few days when I had lost my mental balance out of the immense shock and trauma of loosing my Father due to the injustice faced at the time and which therefore had highly narrowed down my receptivity for over a few days. Until one fine day I received a serendipitous autosuggestion from YouTube wherein Master Stephen Co's was speaking about Lord Buddha and His teachings and I had all my ears to Master Stephen Co Thankfully! It was that day when I got introduced to the concept of Internal and External Forgiveness, the concept of wrong doers as the ignoramus spiritual babies and this truly was a timely redemption of my soul from the Divine! I am so grateful to all my Spiritual Teachers and The Divine Realms, that this Epiphany was just right in time before I could take any wrong step in my state of mental hijack through depressing emotions that numbed and blinded me totally!
This event was so traumatic and unbearable that I got my long hair chopped off, so as to be able to survive the stormy devastating feelings of guilt, irreplaceable loss, anger, agony and pain of injustice! it was difficult to stay alive with those toxic feelings every moment that I was awake since 5th September 2020!
Although what I experienced yesterday evening was so strong and similar to the same experiences of past, feeling extremely hurt as if stabbed in my back, uncontrollable anger, confusion, guilt, remorse, feeling loss through the deliberate mischiefs of people who are close, I was strangely being reminded from my deeper core, about the Great Ones and scenes of how THEY handled such situations when They walked on Mother Earth! And So, surprisingly (in a good way), this time, unlike the previous expereince of 2020, I am out of the murkkkk pretty quickly and within just 24 hours by the Grace of Benevolent Loving Universe!
I strangely don't remember much about my childhood, I don't know why my childhood got quite-a-lot erased from my memories and I only have a very few scenes from that time! I don't know if that is because of a fall from heighted kitchen platform of our old house, when I was around 5 to 7 years old or maybe because of the traumatic experience around the same time making the brain not wanting to remember painful memories and forget the traumatic ones (akin to "mental screening" phenomenon in psychology) ; especially memories of incidences of ogling men close to family trying to take advantage on pretext of being well wishers of family and the most painful trauma of loosing my Father through mischief in 2020, had additional supplemental impact, due to serially superadded post-traumatic stresses!
However, since the time that I can remember my earliest memories, I have, for sure, known deep inside , like some sort of longing of a world of kindness, purity and integrity. But, the experiences while growing up from school to college to medical school and going forward, defied that longing at every point and many times made me question myself seriously about such inner knowing and longing. I doubted myself whether that longing and faith in virtuous world was real, whether I was right in believing in values of straightforwardness and upright conduct, whether I was being impractical in worldly affairs and whether I must choose to keep believing in emotions my heart reckoned with! The bitterness from self-centered people even made me feel and question my values, my existence, and whether I truly belonged to this age and times in the present world - I felt so much out of the place and home-sick; longing to go back to real Home! This longing was re-kindled during my first Vipassana meditation camp of 10 days at Igatpuri DhammaVatika Centre in April 2009 and at the end of the course I felt as if I found my Holy Grail that was embedded in my soul consciousness and subconscious mind but which fell short of verbal expressions at the time!
Currently going through a series of heavy emotions, while fighting multiple battles at the same time, facing the meanness from not only the outsiders but even those who once were close to heart, that too in times of crisis... navigating through all these with so many delays and divergences, for over a long period of time constantly, felt as if Sun suddenly stopped shining on life due to envious spells of haters and schemers - It has been literally and indeed a very very draining and tiring journey! To a point that I have felt like giving up - But then I recollect my first poem- NEVER GIVE UP! and the same is also re-enforced repeatedly through Divine timely messages from the Universe!
And so again today, right after last evening's literally head-spinning experience, Thankfully I received the message from the Universe, and it just so much made my day! It literally made up for replacing the heaviness of heart with feelings of being divinely protected, guided and watched over by the Divine!
And to my spiritual delight, I saw that this Earth Angel Erika, who has most of the times delivered synchronistic messages to me right in time, is unusually wearing a "Golden Infinity" pendant - which resembled the Infinity symbol made by Golden Dragon, that I was attracted to for choosing it as a screensaver for my new Laptop!
This hooked me into listening her message further.....Surprisingly, she starts speaking of exactly the same dialogues I have had with myself, the same feelings I am experiencing since last few days and then even goes on to tell that she can feel that, quote, " you might be in a different country or city from home or maybe something has happened that you are no longer in the home you were...it could literally be that" I am like OMG, YESSSS!!!! Me and my Mom are really NO MORE staying in the home that my parents lived in, for more than three decades.... We had to suddenly shift from our own home because of the dangerous threats to our life and reputation from the Builder that we are having ongoing criminal cases with! While the police and lower courts judiciary are keeping their eyes closed to such daring acts of the habitual scamster Builder! The mention about this event from Erika made me resonate with her message and this cannot be so made up after all! Erika is talking straight to me in my face and to my heart, and I knew this message is definitely for me !
Further, Erika speaks of my feelings of wanting to walk out from the game of separation, the game of dichotomy, duality and in reality I have grown to realize about the other worlds that co-exist with ours always having a deeper longing for going back home! In fact I had written similar desire in my letter talking to Mother Mary , Lord Jesus and Almighty Supreme many years back - something to the tune of "that this place and everything (world) is just an illusion....the real home is Spiritual World - to our Supreme Creator who writes and directs the play on Earth and gives chance to everyone to improvise for the betterment of their soul, whosoever desires with true and pure heart! I desire, My Lord, to play the character You have chosen for me for the betterment of humanity & deliverance of my soul - to rest in your lap with PEACE - FOREVER - NEVER TO BE BORN ON (THIS STAGE [of drama]) EARTH AGAIN IN ANY FORM."
And Lovely Erika, I not only resonated with this message, but It gave me a wake up call to shun the earlier feelings of longing for real Home and accept where I am in the present, to do my best to make it as much happier, bright and lively as I can!
Thankyou again for awakening me from the temporary feelings of haziness and slumber! I'd definitely wish to meet you in person some day, IF GOD WILLS! Lotsa Love and warm Hugs for the messages in Divine perfect time dear, Stay Blessed Forever!
I don't know how the algorithm of YouTube videos autosuggestions work, but to ensure that I receive only the channeled messages meant truly to reach me without being biased or prejudiced, I don't subscribe to most channels I only watch those random videos in lesiure time, that pop up for me as YouTube auto-suggestions!
Like even these videos popped up for me and I was touched, with their depth of meaning and striking resonance with the core of my being and present state, encouraging me and reinforcing Faith in tough times!
And Yes, since I have been facing the trials and tribulations all alone, betrayed most of the times while growing up, from even those I looked up on, those I respected and from those I loved and valued the most- it kind of, made me skeptical and hyper Independent, as I lost Hope and consequently developed a subconscious feeling of fear that HELP is NOT something I must seek, as it has always leads to betrayal and being let down time and again! Treachery, experienced even from those who projected high values, and even those who promised integrity and transparency in their dealings!
Hearing the dialogues in this video when boy asks "What is the bravest thing you've ever said?" and the wise Horse replies, "HELP - Asking for Help isn't giving up - it's refusing to Give Up!!! Tears fall for a reason - and they're your strength, not weakness!" literally moved me to tears - showing me the mirror to my own subconscious, and gently nudging me reassess the status quo of not willing to seek or accept Help! As if it is guiding me with a ray of Hope in being open to ask for or maybe receive Help! Afterall, Blessings come through People and through Opportunities, but by remaining closed to the same, one may unconsciously block out those Blessings meant to reach them!
And then again popped up another similar video from the Universe, that also resonated exactly with the state of my stormy mind and emotions , after a deeply painful revelation experienced yesterday evening.
This time, the same boy, the mole, fox and the white Horse are walking together and suddenly see that the weather was becoming unfavourable. However, they choose to keep moving forward And when the situation gets out of control by becoming very stormy (just like stormy mind yesterday evening), the boy got scared. Just then the Wise White Horse not only provides loving shelter to all his teammates but also speaks encouraging and beautiful words of wisdom to them, quote "When the big things feel out of control, focus on what you love, right under your nose!"
And so this is how my Beloved Benevolent Universe guided me to start writing today's Blog through this video , that is - When the big things (state of mind) feel out of control, focus on what you love right under your nose (in my case, it is writing, as it helps me to express, to vent out emotions and feel lighter while also making me feel in the state of flow!)
I even thought to my self how the Universe has amazingly supreme intelligence, by sending me the videos showing a White Horse speaking words of wisdom, as this White Horse is so very similar to the mythical Alicorn that I have visualized in one of my first meditations on my life and soul purpose a couple years back - subsequently christening myself with the warrior name as a "Pegasus". This feels to me like my Higher Self speaking to me as I connect the dots!
AND VOILA!
After a couple of hours, Universe also revealed to me that this White Horse in this video, also has wings and can also Fly - This Horse is so similar to the White horse with wings (and a horn on its forhead) in my vision during meditation! Not only that, the reason mentioned by this White Horse for hiding the wings also resonated with how I have somehow had this deep fear of remaining unseen and obscure! Have had similar feelings of prying eyes that feel jealous about me and my achievements! Through these beautiful synchronistic messages, am gathering more hints from the Universe, as I comtemplate that which needs to be changed within, while connecting the dots during this transition phase...
AND SO HERE I AM AGAIN!
Lovely words of wisdom from The Mole -"One of the greatest freedom is, how we react to things!" Simply loved it!. Cant really wait to catch up with the full movie - The Boy, The Mole, the Fox and the Horse - as this movie appears to be all about the "Code of Honor" for Family and Soul tribe Friends that truly makes a Real Home. Family is one of my highest values along with Freedom, Truth and Love!
What a meaningful coincidence, as I wrote this blog, just saw Another Divine confirmation about "Messages of Hope" through Angels and Guides as mentioned by none other than Ms Suzanne Geissmann- my fav Evidentiary Medium channeling messages for those who lost hopes through loss of their loved ones :)
I remember reading one of the novel in my earlier days - "The Alchemist" written by Paulo Coelho - And although, at that time, I loved the idea and concept of this Novel highlighting about the signs from the Universe, I was'nt yet ready and willing to accept it consciously...and wondered if there was even any possibility that it can be a way of life? May be because being from a scientific background at that time, my cup was full from the influences of the society around me...Anyways, I now realize that everything has a reason and serves a purpose in our evolution - every experience, every lesson, every meeting, every opportunity, every failure, every treachery, every emotion, every wait, every sign has it's reason and with the conscious choices we make through our divine gift of "Free Will", the importance of each and every thing and every being gets revealed in the larger schema of things over a period of time!
And so, now, at this point in time, I am fully in sync with this knowledge and wisdom that, “The universe is filled with infinite possibilities and potential, if we only trust in its power to guide us.” – Deepak Chopra.
And without any iota of doubt whatsoever, I am convinced that the Universe truly speaks to all those souls, in ways that those souls can connect with to understand the meaning, only if there's unflinching Faith in Universe and strong burning flames of desire for Truth, kept alive, against all odds!
And so, Life is a process of Learning forever, and I am overjoyed that mine is Divinely guided!
A Humble Servant of the Divine, Forever!
- Loving Light
- Dr Racchana D Fadia
Meraki Pegasus
🕉✝️☪️🛐🕎☮☯️☸🦄🌷❤
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