In the last
few years havent we all noticed a paradigm shift in behavior of people around us? Their acts of loving and giving has become full of limitations
and hesitations or even become calculated and superficial. So many people we
deal with everyday seem to be retracted in some kind of shell. As if they are scared
to let loose… to love freely… to give generously…. to trust openly…They seem to
be enveloped in some kind of guilt or shall I say some kind of fear…of getting
manipulated and hurt. They seem like they don’t want to trust anyone because
they have themselves been through some real bitter experiences in the past and now dont trust anyone because they are scared to get hurt again. So they build a solid wall around them
and their willingness to look beyond this wall is marred by the continuous chain reaction
of such experiences. Nor do they allow anyone to cross it, simply because they
are trying to defend themselves. In recent times this behavior has been given a
new terminology, as in, being more “Practical”. They think they are strong
enough to face it all alone and kind of become stone hearted but in the heart of heart they fail to
realise that they have become embittered in the process of becoming stone-strong!
Due to the baggage of past hurtful experiences or because of prejudices or wrong perceptions they may loose out on some really genuine people who are pure souls. Be it modernisation
, growing inflation, mall culture setting in, needs becoming greeds, or
politicians providing for only themselves or simply the culture of epitomizing wealth
over wisdom, there is growing discontent and it reflects in the personal and
professional lives of the people. Havent we heard this phrase “ Big Bad World”
so often from so many around us?
I may be
wrong but this is my thinking that we all have come to this plane of existence
for some learning to advance our souls and no two individuals have the same
beginning or the same objectives in current lives. So drawing inspiration from
great personalities is one thing but comparing our lives with that of any other
individual from same family or same institution or same age or same profession or
otherwise will be just trying to hamper our personal growth. Perceptions can be
deceitful so many times …Just because someone appears to be staying in a
fabulous place doesn’t mean they are free of any financial issues or just
because someone is smiling and laughing a lot doesn’t mean they are truly
happy! The best example : Marylyn Monroe was photographed as being in the
happiest moods just days before she committed suicide but no one could tell she
was under immense depression during that period…because people wear masks while
they are out in the society. Even feeling jealous of others possessions or
achievements is so foolish because we can never guage what battles others are
fighting in their personal lives.
Being hurt
and then passing on that hurt in our behaviour/ dealings with other person
makes this a vicious chain reaction and I have myself been a victim of this. At
first I felt dejected at the thought that my goodness and good intentions were
rewarded with the practicality by others and I kept interrogating myself if I
am wrong in whatever I do, in being helpful, thoughtful, taking people at
face-value, going out of the way to help, being respectful, being honest,
frank, upright, upfront and straighforward. I wondered whether becoming
practical and manipulative is the only way to get what you want in life? Whether
giving importance only to financial status is more important while dealing with
people? What the bloody hell is wrong with me? I felt horribly guilty that I
have been fooled so many times and getting hurt in the bargain. Enough is
enough I thought!
I had only
two choices in those low moments of self analysis :
A > I must either harbour resentment for all these experiences and become ‘stone-hearted’
or practical to be precise and deal with everyone from the brain (like as
strangers) give tit for tat
Or
B> to simply disallow the hurt to enter my
conscience and affect any negative change in my behavior and choose to spread love and kindness in this very short life….. .
I then
remembered Mother Teresa’s following words of boundless wisdom :
“People may be often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior
motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest
anyway. If you find Happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.. The
good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good. Give the world the best
you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the
end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
Finally, I
made a choice : Come what may! I will not let these bitter experiences take me
away from my God. I may distance myself from those who wish to harm me or hurt
me but always continue to serve selflessly and give pure unadulterated love to all
those around me.
After all. Lord Buddha said
“ Hatred does
not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule” and “Work out
your own salvation. Do not depend on others.”
I read
or heard this somewhere which made so much sense to me
Life is defined by the choices we make , so make the
right ones
If you have to choose between being kind and being right,
choose being kind, and you will be always right.
Just like my Mentor,
Late Dir. Prof. Dr K. C. Mohanty Sir always used to say :
Love Repays, Hatred Rebounds!
Finally ….I
have made my choice, to be out of this Negative Chain Reaction.... Forever and for Good...
- Dr Racchana D Fadia