Insight Through Pain - Lessons From Past - My Dark Night Of The Soul Chapter!

There are phases in life that test you to the core — times when everything you believed about love, friendship, and loyalty comes crashing down. My darkest phase was one such chapter, filled with betrayals from people I trusted blindly, cared for deeply, and treated as my own family.

I once had two sisters as my close friends - both of whom I believed were my soul-sisters and one of them was also a practicing lawyer in the Hon. Bombay High Court. Their elder brother and sister-in-law were  also Hon. Bombay High Court lawyers as well. 

Our bond was deep: we shared meals, laughter, took short trips, celebrated together, had family moments and cared for each other’s families like our own! We even shared our worries and we were very close - almost inseparable! I stood by them and their family as though they were my own. In return, I thought I was safe in their care and support. But life had a harsh lesson waiting for me that I now realise today only!

When I was going through the toughest phase of my life, I naturally turned to my closest friends for help. When I and my family had become entangled in legal and property issues, I naturally turned to my best friends being lawyers. I placed my complete faith in their professional guidance. I showed them every document, trusted their counsel and advice wholeheartedly, and believed that being Law professionals - and as people who loved me - they would protect my interests like their own and steer me right. But now, after I began studying law myself, the reality hits me hard and hardest! 

Despite being experienced lawyers, they never advised me to collect solid evidence that could stand in court or safeguard my rights — something any legal mind would consider essential. I being a layman, didnt know the nitty-gritty of court rooms, but they surely did! Looking back, I can now see how my blind trust and emotional attachment clouded my discernment.

In a way, they witnessed my career and peace of mind crumble, yet never once imagined that one day, as a dermatologist who later turned to law, I would gain the insight and knowledge to uncover the truth behind their actions. The shock of that realization cut deep — not just because of the betrayal itself, but because it came from those who had once spoken the language of love and justice.

But years later, now, studying law myself and understanding how things actually work, I see how profoundly my trust and love had been misplaced. What I once believed to be genuine support now, in hindsight, is exposed as a painful betrayal akin to back-stabs. 

Realizing that someone trained to uphold justice could let a friend  like-one's-own-family go down despite knowing how to have saved friend and her family from doom, has so deeply shook my faith in people now! In these personal and legal challenges, I discovered that the very people I trusted most had been silently working against me — manipulating situations, misusing my trust, and taking advantage of my kindness. The pain is indescribable. It feels like the ground beneath my feet disappeared!

I cant stop asking myself: How could people I loved so deeply, people I defended and supported, turn against me so cruelly?

But slowly, amid the unbearable pain, I began to understand something profound:

Trust is sacred, and giving it blindly — without discernment — is not love; it is self-abandonment.

 During my journey of healing, I had come across a profound line "Insight Through Pain" coined  by Sir Michael Bernard Beckwith that deeply resonates with above experiences. 

He speaks of two distinct ways we gain insight in life — through pain or through wisdom of others - The Kensho and Satori Perspective - a Japanese philosophy!

Kensho  represents insight through pain — those moments when life’s challenges, heartbreaks, and betrayals shake us so deeply that we are forced to awaken. It’s when suffering becomes the teacher that pushes us to evolve.

Satori, on the other hand, represents growth through the wisdom of others - serious resolve to evolve  through  gentle yet powerful flashes of realization that come through meditation, reflection, study, or divine guidance. These are our “a-ha” moments — the enlightenment that lifts us to higher consciousness without the sting of pain.

Looking back, I can see that this phase of my life that ushered in the Dark Night Of the Soul  — filled with betrayals, heartbreak, and disillusionment — were my Kensho moments. They have burnt away all my illusions, tested my faith, strengthened me internally and stripped away everything that wasn’t authentic. Pain became the catalyst for clarity. Perhaps I wasn’t ready to learn through gentler insights, so life sent me lessons wrapped in fire — jolts powerful enough to shake me up and awaken me. But I am done now. I bow to those lessons with gratitude and pray that from here onward, my growth unfolds through love, light, and wisdom, not suffering.

Through meditation, introspection, and divine alignment, I am moving into Satori — a space of inner insight where I no longer need pain to teach me. Instead, awareness, peace, and faith have become my new teachers and companions.

Both paths are sacred. Pain opens our eyes; insight opens our hearts. Together, they guide us toward our true nature — resilient, wise, and divinely protected.

Lessons This Phase Taught Me

Love Doesn’t Mean Losing Yourself

Caring deeply for others is beautiful, but when your kindness turns into self-neglect and you allow toxic people to be around you, it becomes dangerous. You can love people and still protect your boundaries.

Discernment Is a Spiritual Gift

Not everyone who smiles at you and talks sweet words wishes you well. Life will keep sending lessons until you learn to listen to your intuition and recognize the subtle red flags you once ignored.

Betrayal  Is a Mirror

It shows us where we have over-given, over-trusted, or refused to see reality. As painful as it is, betrayal can purify us of illusions.

Faith in Humanity Must Begin With Faith in Self

I used to think losing faith in others was the worst thing that could happen. But I realized what’s worse is losing faith in yourself. When you rebuild that inner trust, you begin to attract people who reflect your strength, not your wounds.

Let Pain Become Purpose

My heartbreak didn’t end my story — it redirected it. I learned to channel the pain into self-awareness, prayer, challenges that fuelled my inner strength and meditation. Slowly, the anger and frustration turned into wisdom, and the grief became compassion — for myself first.

These experiences all the more made me closer and closer to Divine and making me reflect deeply on  "The Four Noble Truths" taught by the Great Enlightened one - Lord Buddha!

Forever a Seeker of The Truth & The Divine

Meraki Pegasus