During the second wave of Covid-19 in Mumbai, my role as a medical practitioner took on a deeply personal dimension. Treating patients and saving lives brought both immense gratitude and personal pain-filled emotional struggle and traumatic memories.
While treating patients at their homes and helping save lives brought moments of gratitude and relief, each night I would drive back in tears—grappling with the trauma of what I had endured during the first wave. The emotional toll wasn't just from the exhausting work but from the haunting memories of my father's passing during the earlier wave—memories that refused to fade.
My father’s life was lost not just to Covid, but to the grave negligence and mishandling at the hands of certain corporate hospital doctors. Despite being a Covid physician myself, I was denied the opportunity to intervene in his treatment. I had earnestly requested the use of Methylene Blue injections, immunomodulators, and plasma therapy—treatments that later saved many during the second wave without using Remdesivir or Tocilizumab —but my appeals to Dr. Jeenam Shah and Dr. Toraskar were dismissed outright. The very therapies refused to my father ended up working for patients in worse condition than him, under my care and guidance during the second wave. This bitter irony broke me. It plunged me into guilt, anger, and a deep depression.
What made this unbearable pain worse was how the hospital treated me — extreme inhumane actions and insensitive comments! I wasn’t allowed to meet my father during his ICU stay — even on my birthday, despite repeated requests. Shockingly, I later discovered that another daughter of another Covid patients — who was not a doctor—had been not only allowed to visit Covid ICU but even sit beside her father in the same Covid ICU for over three hours. I had offered to pay any amount to be granted just a few minutes with my father, even just to take his blessings, but I was turned away with arrogance and insensitive comments!.
To this day, I believe my father’s soul held on through sheer willpower until my birthday on 4th September, so that I wouldn’t associate it forever with grief. He passed the next day—on 5th September 2020.
Even after his death, the questions only multiplied. I wasn’t given proper updates throughout his hospitalization. Only later did I learn that vital test samples taken on 1st September were still “untraced” by the hospital as late as 6th September. For a reputed tertiary care institution, this is beyond unusual—it’s deeply alarming. It raises serious questions about accountability, transparency, and intent.
These experiences were shocking and I later discovered that they were a result of my pursuit of justice ongoing since 27th June 2020 against a notoriously fraudulent builder whose threats and pressures had failed to deter me and my family from withdrawing criminal complaints against him and his relatives who are directors of same company.
Some of Covid patients and their relatives, who returned back from the lethal claws of second wave of Covid, with the same treatments that I had requested the Doctors to consider while treating my Father, shared their experience:
Later, in my quest for justice, I encountered the complexities of the judicial system, experiencing both its potential and its pitfalls. From doctors and police to lawyers and politicians, I witnessed the spectrum of humanity. The delay and corruption I encountered challenged my faith in the system, making me question my naivety prior to my father's passing.
A turning point came when I discovered Pranic Healing through Master Stephen Co and it woke me up again from my sleep of overpowering emotions by reinforcing the principles of Lord Buddha's teachings added with practical solutions to worldly experiences and affairs. It provided the strength to face my pain and channel my anger constructively. I found hope through connecting with the great spiritual Masters and following their guidance in my healing journey.
However, the burden of guilt that depsite being a Covid physician, I failed to save my own Father but could save other Covid patients more complicated than my Father, would not let me be at peace and remained stuck in my heart. I became aloof and withdrawn, not wanting to be social. But, very recently, an unexpected video from a wonderful Medium Ms Suzanne Giesemann has helped me to heal a wounded part of me through acceptance. Hearing a story similar to mine, where a doctor-daughter felt guilt over her father's Covid-related death, resonated deeply. It made me reflect on my own feelings of guilt and helped me realize that my father's soul was offering reassurance. This is discussed at timestamp 38:10 in this amazing video
This video marked a turning point in my healing process, helping me shed a portion of my burden. Yet, memories of the past still weigh heavily. My commitment to seeking justice remains resolute, motivated by the injustice my family especially my parents have endured. I seek closure not just for myself, but for the legacy of my father who left this 3D world with a heavy heart of being cheated by the ones whom he trusted blindly over the years, in false hopes.
As I continue this journey, I recognize the importance of standing against wrongdoing and injustice. Forgiveness and spirituality don't equate to allowing sin to persist. Tolerating injustice, in its own form is equally a wrongdoing. I strive to embody the essence of a warrior for truth, refusing to be silenced or complacent in the face of adversity.
While the pain and memories persist, I draw strength from my spiritual journey and the unity of those who have faced similar battles. Together, we stand against injustice, not just for ourselves, but for the betterment of society.
In sharing this story, I aim to shed light on the complexities of navigating the judicial system while emphasizing the importance of upholding justice in the face of adversity. My spiritual path has given me the strength to endure, and I hope my journey resonates with others who have faced similar challenges.
Embracing the understanding that all beings emanate from the same Source and ultimately unify in higher dimensions is a profound realization. However, recognizing the necessity for order in the 3D world is equally crucial to prevent imbalance and chaos. Striking this balance demands unwavering willpower and the courage to confront our own internal struggles.
The memory of my father's unshakeable faith in me, as we rushed him to the hospital in the ambulance, remains etched in my mind. His conviction that I would find a solution, regardless of the odds, propels me forward. It's like a constant beacon of hope and trust, reminding me of my capability to overcome obstacles.
Navigating the balance between my spiritual beliefs and practical responsibilities is an intricate journey. I'm learning how to stand up for what's right in the world while also recognizing our interconnectedness. The unwavering faith my father had in me and my capabilities, along with my commitment to look him in his eyes upon my departure from 3D world and tell him, "Pappa, I did my best I could do!", keeps me moving through the complexities of the 3D world. This fusion of determination and spirituality propels me to seek change and uphold justice for my parents!
Very well written Doctor.
ReplyDeleteRegards Vijay J Tolia